#7

Well, at the end of June I found out I was pregnant! Yay!! We were so shocked and so excited!! As you might have read in a previous post, we both felt like the Lord didn't want us to have another one yet! So when I found out, I was so shocked!  We told family, and close friends in the area.  For the first time ever in a pregnancy, I felt hesitant about telling everyone though! We usually do right away.  This time I just wanted to wait to hear the heart beat before we announced it to the world.  The first person in the family that I told was Cami since she's on her mission.  We were going to announce it to all of the family on the 4th of July and so excited to do so!  Well, on the 4th, we found out some other awesome news! Derek and Jaci announced that they were having a baby! OH MY GOODNESS!!! I screamed when I found out! I was so happy and excited for them! I decided to wait to tell the family, because I wanted them to have their day!  But guess what, I couldn't wait very long.  That night, we announced it to the kids.  Their reactions were hilarious.  They were totally shocked and didn't even believe us!  It was awesome!  The next day, the kids wanted to tell everyone and we thought, oh boy, we better let our family know first before they start telling people.  So we texted and called family and told them.  Derek & Jaci's baby and ours were going to be 6 weeks apart.  We were excited to have our child have a cousin their age!  Well, a few weeks later... we went to our Dr.'s appointment to hear the heart beat.  By this time I looked pregnant and couldn't hold back any longer from people's questions about being pregnant.  For some reason as soon as I get pregnant ever, my stomach just plops out and I look further along than I am. Our Dr. has been with us for the most part through all of our children and pregnancies.  So thankful for him.  Well, as he checked things out.... he noticed that I was measuring a lot smaller than where I should be according to my dates.  Like by a week and a few days.  Then he checked for a heart beat.  No heart beat....  I could also see it in his face, that things didn't seem right.  He's definitely an optimist, so I knew that since he was hesitant to talk about it, I knew it wasn't good.  He wanted to see my reaction to it as well, to see how to talk to me about it... what a great guy! So, he said that he wanted me to get blood work done to see what my hormone levels were doing.  I asked if I miscarried, what to expect ect ect.  He let me know and then we went on our way.  Well, my thought process began not stressing or freaking out until I knew what the results were.  I also didn't want to tell too many people.  I told my mom of course and some close friends that had been through miscarriages.  I was to find out results on Saturday. From Wednesday to Saturday, the anticipation was killing us.  I was doing ok with everything, but just wanted to know.  Saturday morning I started having braxton hicks contractions.  I knew that was not normal this early.  Saturday we went to Marysville Peach Festival and had a blast.  Saturday afternoon we got home and I read the email from my Dr.  He said that my hormone levels were stagnant and were not going up like they should.  I of course knew what that meant and he said he's calling me on Monday to talk about what we should do.  When I read those words, I wasn't shocked.  I knew that's what it was going to say.  But in the back of my mind and my heart, I wished that's what it wasn't going to say.  I called Jason over and told him and he had a very hard time with the news!  We called the kids in and told them and they actually did very well.  I texted all of my family and friends and let them know that I had miscarried.  I was bummed, but had total faith in our Heavenly Father that He knows what's best for our family.  That feeling that we had that it wasn't time for another yet, was spot on!  On Monday, I attended a funeral for a friend and wasn't able to talk to the Dr. that day.  A lot of women that I knew at the funeral saw me and asked if I was pregnant.  I knew people would ask... so I prepared myself by praying a lot and reading even more about faith before Monday.  I was thankful to be able to handle it gracefully and not break down or become angry.  On Tuesday I talked to the Dr.  We decided on doing the miso pill to get things started.  I had our Primary Temple Activity on Thursday that I was in charge of and had to be too. I prayed and asked Heavenly Father to help me be able to do the activity and knew He would.  So I decided start it Thursday night after the activity. I continued to have braxton hicks contractions, but no cramping.  I asked Heavenly Father to really let me know that it was over with so I wouldn't hurt the baby if it was ok.  Well, when I asked, my contractions got stronger.  Ok, my question was answered.  The week dragged on.  I was ok, but just scared.  I've never been through this before and didn't know what to expect.  Some friends had awful awful experiences and some it didn't really phase them a whole lot.  So I asked my friends lots of questions.  The Primary Activity at the Temple was nice.  And afterwards, I was able to go hang out at my friend Joalea's for a little bit and just sit and relax and talk about nothing and get my mind off of things. On the way back from the Temple and Joaleas, I hit major traffic through Roseville, so glad not to live there anymore, and I was soooo nervous.  I went and picked up my prescription and then we headed home.  We got home and I went and did what I needed to do.  I felt like it was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a long time, but at the same time I felt so much love and comfort.  I expressed to Jason how scared I was and he said, "I don't think we should have anymore kids. I hate seeing you have to go through this and I hate seeing you go through pain." I instantly said, "I don't care what I have to go through.  It's an honor and a privilege to bring children into this world and I'll keep doing it until the Lord let's us know otherwise."  With the process, I was prescribed some heavy pain meds too.  I took the 600 mg of ibprofen and was told to take it to keep swelling down.  So I took it.  I didn't like what it did to me and how it made me feel.  I felt like I had been drugged and was a zombie.  I started watching 17 Miracles and I'm so glad I did.  I'm glad I went through this on Pioneer Day.  It made me feel so thankful and not whine and complain and have a total mental breakdown since I was able to focus on the amazing pioneers and what they endured!  I also watched Karate Kid and that just made me feel like a kid again.  As the night continued, I experienced pain like I did when I had endometriosis!  It seemed just like it.... except I didn't have major pain killers when I went through that horrible time with the endo.  I slept in until noon the next day and had weird dreams about my dad buying a mortuary and showing up at our house in a new white hearst so excited and happy for his new venture. HA! Weird!  I finally rolled out of bed at 12:26pm and realized it was the first time since I've had Uriah that I actually got to rest and sleep after 8:30am.  My body really needed it apparently!  I didn't like how I felt though with the meds, so I stopped taking them.  I got up and came down stairs and felt so weak.  I just laid on the couch and took several naps throughout the day and watched lots of black and white old TV shows. It has been quite the day today! But full of so many blessings!

I am thankful to have experienced this trial in my life.  I'm not happy too, but thankful!  Thankful to be able to be more empathetic to those that have gone through it and are going to go through it.  Thankful for the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation and that everything like this happens for a reason and everything will be ok!  I know I am not alone through this and know that Heavenly Father and our Savior is fully aware of me and I know they're both there for me! Heavenly Father has also sent many wonderful friends into my life that have helped me through this, and I am eternally grateful to them.  And my sister in law Christina was ready to drop everything to come help us.  I have friends that have experienced it a lot too.  Some 3 times, some 5.  One person I know of had 20, in vitro!  These women are amazing!  Any woman that goes through it is amazing!  And I'm thankful of their examples of faith and for their strength.  Why do I even talk about this on my blog?  Because I am so thankful to have gotten pregnant again.  Even though the baby didn't stay with us, it's a life that should be celebrated!  A life that I was thankful to carry for awhile! Do I regret telling people about my pregnancy? Not at all!  I will do it again too if we have the opportunity to have anymore.  It's also made me so much more thankful for pregnancies that actually make it.  It's actually such a delicate process that we don't really think a whole much about.  But now I'm that much more thankful for the 6 healthy pregnancies I've had.... when before I just remembered the hardships and issues I experienced with them.  It's been quite a journey though and I know it's not totally over yet.  But thankful for the things we've learned from it.

To our dear, sweet #7.... til we meet again!